On a snowy November day, I and my daughter Kit were dividing up four boxes of Christmas tree ornaments. Kit, now living independently, wanted to decorate her own tree. Unpacking the ornaments brought back memories of loss and sorrow for children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank with the arrival and departure of 23 foster children. While most placements were temporary, we eventually adopted our two children. I was amazed to see how Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even from makers she never met. It was surprising to realize that her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I opened a box, I saw a tree topper from our first Christmas as a newly married couple. The iridescent angel had a crack between its wings and body, held together by Krazy Glue. Passing it to Kit, I wondered if she would want it due to its delicate state. Her eyes sparkled as she gladly accepted it, recalling how she always wanted to be the one to place the angel atop the tree.
Another ornament, a Santa sleigh and reindeer made by an eight-year-old foster child, stirred mixed emotions in me. The child had crafted it at a foster family Christmas party, but we lost touch with him after a court ruling. Kit, sensing my emotions, took the ornament and shared fond memories of playing with it at the bottom of the tree.
Our family made sure to include foster children in our Christmas traditions by holding our family dinner on days surrounding Christmas, allowing them to spend the holiday with their families. We started a tradition of giving each child unique ornaments to keep as a memento of their time with us. This is how the Santa and reindeer ornament made by our foster son found a place among our decorations.
Rediscovering a reindeer ornament made of pompoms, ribbon, and googly eyes, I remembered the shared custody of Christmas ornaments after my divorce. Each child found comfort in having familiar ornaments regardless of where they spent Christmas. Kit’s reflection on the ornaments taught me valuable lessons from our past.
This year, decorating the tree feels different as I witness Kit’s joyous recounting of memories attached to each ornament. I look forward to seeing her tree shine with her unique narrative.